This is the first time I had researched so much before writing this post. Going through website to websites. Literally spent the entire weekend just reading on this. SO why? Why did I write this? Because I do know a lot of people doing this personally. And most of them are really unexpected. So I just want to know more about it. I want to know what goes in that brain of all these victims. But most importantly WHY and HOW?
Its is really shocking that most of those people who hurt themselves to feel better are the one that always tries to be there for everyone in the world. The one that always seem so cheerful. The one that seem like nothing in the entire BLOODY world bothers them. The strong one. Yes, the one with the smile.
But most importantly, why do they do that? I had been asking myself that too millions of time. Are they crazy? But after all those readings and real life stories I hear and seen, I understand why. Those people aren't crazy. They just need to release that sort of depression or pain deep inside them. They refuse to tell anyone or show anyone how they feel is because they thought everyone expect them to be happy so no matter what, they have to put on the smile and soldier on. Its because this person are there for everyone it seems like, no one is there for them. Not because those are bad friends, its clearly because all of them think, this person can solve my problems by just one go, she will do fine alone. And these people will never want to show how they feel simply because they are afraid and they think nobody wants to know about their petty problems. SO they push it all away and take it all in. They thought if they laugh and make other people happy, the pain will go away. But no, all these sadness soon accumulate. SO MUCH that they just break down into huge depression. Then they thought about ways to get rid of these depression. Its like filling them out, they need something to let the pain flow out of their body, this is the part where even your nails come in handy. Then they just hurt themselves. The physical pain seem so relieving, but its just temporary. Then it is replaced with guilt, and the depression actually never go away. It is just eating them up slowly and slowly until at one point suddenly life just seem so gloomy. So sad. So meaningless. They just end it.
Its pretty scary what is in a human mind. What it is even capable of. Its like a time bomb.
But I know someone out there going through what i said is reading this or someone who even think about it is reading this. I know you would say I never understand because I am not in your position or anything. But I know, you just one it to go away. You can't burden everyone with your problems. You think nobody give a slight bullshit about what you are going through. Or you expect everyone to notice the depression under those smiles. There are people out there who cares about you, who loves you. Try opening up just to one person you can really trust. Start slowly. Then you will realize that everything is gone, depression slowly seep away and you will be fine. Trust me. I know people like that and it seems confessions are the only thing that set them free. And they are better person now. It takes time, but you have to let someone in in order to set yourself free. And frankly its ok to be sad. At least try not to be happy with that one person you trust. Hurting yourself only free yourself temporary, but once you look at those scars, you will hate yourself and fall deeper and deeper into the hole of depression.
Just always remember, you are never alone. There are people around you who cares enough and love you. If you want to know more about this and need an alternative way to help yourself you can try this webpage http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm
Remember you are never alone. It may take time for you to stop that addiciton but its the only way you can be free.
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